REPOST: From Tempers to Tutus: The Evolution of a (Softball) Coach
Christian ethicist Lewis Smedes once wrote, “My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me.”
This quote sticks with me, because it echoes throughout my journey as a father, a veteran, a retiree and, perhaps most surprisingly, as a softball coach to my daughters. But more than just reflecting changes in title or role, this evolution has deeply transformed the kind of legacy I want to leave as a parent.
My daughter couldn’t make it to picture day so I decided to stand in for her. I think the pink bat really ties it all together.
A Hesitant Beginning
In 2020, after moving from Indiana to California and a string of military deployments that left a distance, both physical and emotionally, between myself and my youngest daughter, I volunteered to coach her girls’ rec league softball team. My motivation? I needed a bridge to rebuild our relationship. I needed something to connect us beyond the role of everyday family life. My softball credentials at the time were laughable (“The balls are yellow, and the girls pitch underhand…” really sums up my expertise). Mostly, I was just showing up and hoping that would be enough to spark a new chapter together.
Frustration & Growing Pains
With each season, my responsibilities grew. I went from struggling to set up nets to eventually becoming league president, all while managing and coaching both my daughters’ teams. Initially, though, my own drive for results, sharpened by years in the military, spilled over. Frustration and impatience became my trademarks, and my fixation on mistakes took center stage. My teams mirrored my attitude with a “woe-is-me” approach, and even more heartbreakingly, my own daughters internalized the same self-doubt and pressures. Where I hoped for closeness, I saw one daughter breaking down under pressure, and the other drifting away from a sport she used to love. That was the moment I realized if I wanted my coaching and my parenting to leave a positive legacy, something needed to change.
The Positive Intelligence Difference
Enter Positive Intelligence (PQ). For me, PQ has been a complete operating system reboot and one that has reshaped not just how I show up as a coach but as a father and leader in my family. Through daily PQ Reps and practicing the Sage Perspective, I’ve learned to intercept my old patterns of stress and self-sabotage and replace them with presence, empathy, and resilience. A year ago, I was snapping clipboards and turning red while hollering at nine-year-olds for missed throws (it got so bad, my assistant coach kept a spare clipboard in the car just for me). Now? I’m sporting a green tutu on game day, and if my team keeps winning, I might have to dye my hair to match. The focus has shifted from scoreboard results to modeling composure and care, even when the stakes feel high.
A Generational Shift in Perspective
The most profound change is in my daughters. Both pitch for their teams. One throws heat, the other thrives on precision. Yet, my “Glavine” used to dissolve into tears over mistakes, while my “Maddux” nearly quit a sport she’d once adored. Now, since integrating Positive Intelligence principles into my approach, I see the difference not only in their play but in their spirit. Wins and losses matter less. Tears and pressure have given way to laughter and confidence. They celebrate hard work, bounce back from setbacks, and find joy in the process. These are all qualities I now realize are the true markers of a lasting legacy far beyond sports.
Legacy Beyond the Ballfield
Lewis Smedes’ insight applies even more now: my daughters have played for at least five different coaches, and each of those coaches has been me at a different stage of my own evolution. The greatest victory, it turns out, isn’t a game won but the family culture of trust, optimism, and growth that I’m helping to shape. This impact is already rippling into how my girls approach school, friendships, and their sense of self-worth. One day, I hope they’ll do the same for their own children.
Unlock Your Own Potential
Positive Intelligence hasn’t just made me a better coach. It’s helped me become the parent my kids will remember for fostering growth, presence, and joy, rather than perfection or pressure. If PQ can turn a clipboard-snapping, red-faced coach into a tutu-wearing champion of encouragement, imagine what it can do for you and your family. Whether you’re parenting, coaching, or just seeking deeper connections with those you care about, PQ is the game-changer you’ve been searching for.
Are you curious what kind of legacy you’re building? For your kids, your family, or your team? If you’d like to explore this for yourself, schedule a free Saboteur Discovery Session where we will identify your top Saboteurs and do a personalized deep dive on how they are impacting your well-being, performance, and relationships. It’s one small step toward unlocking generational transformation, on and off the field.
