Trust Issues? Here’s Why and What You Can Do About It
The Challenge of Trust as a Young Adult
Being a young adult is exciting but it’s also not easy. You’re figuring out your career, navigating relationships, and trying to build a future for yourself. The internal and external pressures to have things figured out can feel overwhelming, especially when life throws challenges your way.
At the root of all this stress lies a bigger issue: trust. Can you trust yourself to make the right decisions? Can you trust others to be there for you? When life feels uncertain, building trust starts with creating a sense of safety and security within yourself. Attachment theory suggests that insecurity often undermines trust leading to diminished confidence.
That’s where Positive Intelligence (PQ) comes in. PQ is a system designed to help you strengthen your mindset so you can feel safe, grounded, and able to face the challenges of adulthood with confidence.
Why Safety and Security Are Essential for Trust
To thrive during this stage of life, you need to feel secure internally and externally. That sense of security started (or not) at birth and is constantly evolving. It is what allows you to take bold risks, try new things, and grow into the person you want to become. Without it, fear and doubt can take over leading to decisions (or indecisions) driven by anxiety.
When you’re always second-guessing yourself or feeling like others might let you down, it’s nearly impossible to trust your choices or your relationships with others. This is often a result of those negative thoughts we call Saboteurs. They are taking control and your mind is now working against you, not for you.
How Your Saboteurs Work Against You
Your Saboteurs are critical voices in your head that constantly remind you of what could go wrong. They say things like:
“You’re going to fail, so why bother trying?”
“You’re not good enough for that job or relationship or opportunity.”
“What if you mess this up and embarrass yourself?”
Sound familiar? These thoughts stop you from believing in yourself or trusting the process, leaving you stuck in a cycle of fear and insecurity. For example, the Judge Saboteur might tell you that any mistake is proof that you’re not good enough. Or the Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur might make you feel like you can never relax because something bad is always about to happen; you’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop.
These voices are loud but they don’t have to control you. PQ gives you the tools to quiet them so you can find safety and move forward. PQ can help you mitigate the destructive impact they’ve had on your relationships, well-being, and performance.
PQ Reps: A Simple Practice to Build Safety and Calm
PQ introduces simple tools, like PQ Reps, that help you shift from fearful and anxious thinking to a calm, focused state. A PQ Rep is as simple as taking two minutes to practice mindfulness. It could be as easy as focusing on the feeling of your breath or slowly tracing the texture of an object in your hand, like a pen or the fabric of your jeans.
The first time I tried a PQ Rep, I was skeptical and had a hard time quieting my thoughts. But with consistent practice through the use of the PQ App, I have now built PQ Reps into my daily habits such as petting my dog or drinking my morning coffee. Through the use of this simple practice, I now have the ability to command my mind to calm itself and quiet the my negative thought patterns. This can happen in the heat of a moment or simply while praying.
These small moments of calm and focus build a foundation of internal safety. When you feel secure inside, you’re not as shaken by the pressures and uncertainty of young adulthood. And with time, that inner sense of calm grows into trust: trust in yourself and your ability to figure things out no matter what comes your way.
Reframing Challenges with the Sage Perspective
Life throws curveballs (or screwballs if you’re a certain lefty softball pitcher - see previous post). Maybe you didn’t get the internship you wanted or had a falling out with a close friend. It’s easy to spiral into worry or self-blame when things go wrong but PQ offers a different way to see these situations. We constantly endeavor to embody the Sage Perspective.
The Sage Perspective teaches you to reframe challenges as opportunities for growth. Every setback becomes a lesson and every disappointment a chance to strengthen your resilience. For example:
Didn’t get the job? It’s not the end of the world but rather an invitation to better prepare for the next opportunity. I wouldn’t be writing this right now if I had gotten the job I wanted 18 months ago. Not getting it opened a whole other world of opportunities for me to explore.
Struggling with relationships? It’s a chance to reflect on your values and boundaries.
When you shift into the Sage mindset, you stop seeing challenges as things to fear, and instead, you view them as stepping stones to the life you’re building.
Having a hard time with this concept. That’s ok. The first step is to go from resignation (driven by fear & anxiety) to acceptance. If you can first accept your circumstances through a more positive mindset driven by PQ, then you can eventually find the gift and opportunities in those setbacks.
Practical Tips for Navigating Life with Safety and Trust
If you’re a longtime reader, none of this is new to you but here are a few ways you can use PQ practices to manage the challenges of being a young adult:
Start with PQ Reps
Whenever you’re feeling stressed, take 30 seconds to center yourself. Focus on deep breaths, the sensations in your body, or even the sounds around you. This simple practice can help you ground yourself before jumping to conclusions or letting your Saboteurs take over. You can do before an exam, you can do it before an interview, you can even do it when you wake up in the morning.Practice Empathy for Yourself
Being a young adult is hard. You’re learning, growing, and figuring things out. Instead of criticizing yourself for what you’re not or where you aren’t, give yourself some grace. Imagine talking to yourself like you would a close friend.Reframe Fear into Curiosity
The next time you’re faced with uncertainty, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this situation?” or “How might this experience help me grow?” Shifting to a curious mindset can make challenges feel less daunting.Trust the Process
It’s okay not to have all the answers right now. Trust that as you build your mental fitness and take small, intentional steps, things will fall into place.
Trust Begins with You
Navigating young adulthood isn’t about figuring it all out overnight. It’s about building a strong foundation of safety and security within yourself and one that allows you to take risks, grow, and trust your own abilities.
With tools like PQ Reps and the Sage Perspective, you can create that sense of inner calm and confidence. From there, trust will naturally follow. Trust in yourself. Trust in others. Trust in the possibilities ahead of you.
Final Thought
What would your life look like if you fully trusted yourself to handle whatever comes your way? What’s one challenge you could face differently with that trust?
Want to supercharge your growth and build unshakable trust in yourself? Let’s connect! Whether you’re navigating challenges or looking to take bold next steps, I’m here to help you unlock your potential. Take the first step today and schedule your complimentary PQ Information Session today. Let’s explore together!
